


just start on over

by vanasha



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Comeplay, Cunnilingus, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Forced Relationship, Frottage, Obsessive Behavior, One-Sided Attraction, Possessive Behavior, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanasha/pseuds/vanasha
Summary: Your friends don’t even notice the way your own smile freezes whenever he gets too close to you, your futile attempts to step away from his overbearing presence or touch.You’re so lucky, don’t you think?You don’t feel lucky right now.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 160





	just start on over

Your head hits the wall behind you and air escapes your lungs in a silent gasp. It’s instinct by now, to make as little sounds as possible. Sounds just edge him on, and you don’t want that.

The pain in your head causes you to only see white for a wonderful second before the world comes crushing back.

You really wish it wouldn’t.  
  
The mouth on your neck never stopped moving, relentlessly biting and licking everywhere it can reach. He’s gasping into your skin, and you think you’re about to feel sick, knowing he tries to say your name.

You can already imagine the bruises and bite marks that you’re going to be wearing for the next days. Oh, he’ll fucking _love_ that. Wether you now know what signs to look for or if he doesn’t even bother to hide his hungry staring anymore you’re not sure. But he’s basically eating you up with his eyes as soon as they set on you. Whenever there are imprints of his kisses or the rows of teeth on you, for everyone to see, you can practically see him shudder in delight.

You don‘t even remember how you look without them. Before the old marks even have a chance of fading, new ones have already joined them. It’s like your skin doesn’t even belong to you anymore, like you have no say in the matter.

And you really don’t. Not in any way that counts.

***

You mostly keep your head down in school. Not that it does you any good.

You’re one of the few students that’s not at the games and tries to stay as far away from them as possible. Hell, most of your breaks are spent in the bathroom at school, hiding yourself away from prying eyes. But it seems no matter what you do, there’s no way to escape or to avoid him forever. It’s only a matter of time until he finds you. Finds a moment to show you just how much he _cares_ for you.

A seemingly thoughtless touch in the hallway, standing a little too close to you in line during lunch or at your locker. Coming to your class room during the break to draping himself over your desk while whining about all the homework you got. Downright hugging you as a greeting when he sees you in the morning, his hand just a little too low or high or for just a second to long to count as appropriate.

But it’s all done with a sweet smile or a sly grin, followed by an oh-so-harmless comment.

He just has a face that you can’t stay mad at, your friends say. They’re hiding their giggles behind their hands, thinking it so cute that Goshiki tries so hard to be a good _boyfriend_.

You have heard it all before, but it doesn’t hurt any less the more they repeat it because they just don’t get it.

I wish I were in your position, they say. I wish I’d have someone that can’t get enough of me. I don’t get why you’re behaving way so standoffish. He’s just trying to be nice, don’t be that way. Haven’t you seen how he waited out there in the cold until you came back from the break? Isn’t that just sweet?

They don’t even notice the way your own smile freezes whenever he gets too close to you, your futile attempts to step away from his overbearing presence or touch. _You’re so lucky, don’t you think?_

You don’t feel lucky right now.

Scratch that, ever since it started, you didn’t feel lucky.

***

You don’t even know what he sees in you. Why he suddenly started to behave this way around you. Was it something you did?

You think you distantly remember giving him an uplifting compliment once after having seen that he missed a couple of hits in some game. He stood around with his team mates like an oversized kicked puppy while everyone praised the team and made jabs at him. None of them sounded serious or harsh, but it apparently hit close to home with him.

Being kind of sensitive yourself, you understood what that must feel like. It also didn’t hurt that you’ve always been a sucker for a cute face and the sight of a big guy looking so down tugged at your heartstrings. Without hesitating you stepped up to him despite barely knowing him. You have no idea anymore what exactly you said, probably something about him being able to do anything if he set his mind to it, the kind of general bullshit that you tell someone that feels or looks sad.

He beamed up at you, eyes practically glowing, asking if you really had that much faith in him. If you really meant that.

And you did.

He looked like he needed a kind word and hey, you had some to spare.

After that, you started seeing him around more. Suddenly he seemed to be everywhere at once. Asking you about your life, about your day. Asking you if you were coming to the games, if you wanted to watch him practice. You did, at first because it was kind of endearing and you didn’t mind. But while the sport was fun to watch, you weren’t really all that much into it. No hard feelings, right? While he was very sweet, you didn’t really want him to get any ideas.

At first he seemed hurt that you lost interest and didn’t hang out with him anymore as often as before. But he never said anything and soon that sulking of his changed into a determined frown whenever he saw you. You thought nothing of that, only that it was actually kind of adorable.

When your friends asked, their eyebrows wiggling suggestively, you had only laughed.

He was a year or two younger than you, behaving like a sweet but spoiled brat more often than not and you weren’t even sure you had been friends, really. There was nothing to worry about.

And you really believed that.

***

But now he's breathing into you ear, pressing himself against you and mindlessly repeating your name as if he can’t believe you’re really here with him. That makes two of you.

Well, actually, nevermind that, it made _one_ of you. You’re still not sure what exactly is going on and why but he’s the one that pulled you into this spare room in school, gripped your wrist hard enough to make you cry out. Pulled you close enough against him so that you could feel the hard-on in his pants, as if you hadn’t seen the funny way he’d been carrying himself, clearly walking weirdly because of it.

You’d wonder about what set him off this time, but you know better by now. He’ll tell you in no time wether you wanted him to or not. He always did.

***

The last time he cornered you after practice right when you were leaving your own club activities.

You had excused yourself to your friends, having forgotten something and intending to be right back, and suddenly, Goshiki had been there, pulling you aside without giving you a chance to think. He quickly shut the door behind you and before you could even open your mouth he was all over you.

He ended up in between your legs, head hidden underneath your skirt, your panties pulled down without a care, sloppily eating you out for what felt like an eternity. All the while mumbling something about how he had seen you pick something up today and how that granted him a peek at your underwear. "Couldn’t get the- the thought of you out of my head,“ he had whined before biting into the soft skin of your thigh.

It’s easier to drown him out and to forget how you don‘t want any of this when he at least makes you feel good. When you don‘t have to see him. When he doesn‘t force you to touch him back or to tell him what he wants to hear. It doesn’t make this any less horrifying, the way he throws you around like a rag doll but it gives you a fake sense of control at least.

You hear the sound of skin on skin and know that he is fucking into his own hand while forcing your thighs apart to make more room for himself, and you think to yourself that maybe you’re able to get out of this easier this time.

You don‘t.  
  
Because afterwards, when he finished admiring his handywork of bruises on your thighs and your fucked out face, he thinks it necessary to help your wobbly legs back into your panties. "My lady,“ he says with a wink, while kneeling in front of you like some noble knight right out a fucking fairy tale. It sickens you even more that you know he means it. That he really believes he's your knight in shining armor.

It’s only when an uncomfortable and sticky sensation hits your skin that you realised he didn’t only use his hands to get off but your clothing as well.

You have no idea if you had been crying before without noticing it or you only start now but in the end it doesn‘t matter.

Goshiki is breathing hard again when he pulls your school uniform back into its place over your underwear. Patting it down, making everything look neat and not like he just fucked the life right out of you.

He smiles as he dips one hand below the skirt and takes a hold of you, fingers pressing the come-stained fabric even tighter against you, for good measure. "Back where it belongs,“ he softly whispers into your neck as if sharing a secret with you. The smile stays on his face as he pulls his hand away and starts licking his fingers. The other one grabs yours and he pulls you out of the room, his hand in yours.

There’s nothing you can say to this, so you don’t say anything.

Instead, you feel his come right at your most intimate part, slowly dripping down your legs and against you the entire way home.

Like a gentleman Goshiki makes sure you arrive there safely.

***

The time before that he just lost a training game. You hadn’t been attending it. You made a habit of not doing that anymore, but news spread fast. On your way to class, he suddenly showed up, carelessly dressed in his school uniform, still sweaty or damp from his shower, you don’t know and you don’t want to find out. Before you can make a run for it he’s there and you're both in one of the empty class rooms.

He grumbles something about showing it to Ushiwaka and the others the next time, about how they’re all going to see what kind of ace he is going to be, while he pushes you down onto your knees and opens his fly.

His half-hard cock is in your mouth before you can even blink and then you try to focus on not choking on it. You try to empty your head, try to tune him out but it's tough when his nails bite into your head and he pushes so deep that he's cutting off your air. And he just keeps on _talking_.

His complains about his team mates soon turn into praises of your mouth, of how good you are at taking him, how you were made for this and how he wished you had been there seeing him play.

"I would have hit if you’d been there,“ he groans. „If you’d been watching me, if my– my little g- _girlfriend_ –“ 

You know he’s close by the way he starts whining. He always loses it when he gets into the girlfriend-territory, anything about you belonging to him gets him off like nothing else. First this made you roll your eyes. Now it just makes you shudder.

"You- You’d like that too, wouldn’t you? Everyone seeing my g-girl fucki-,“ his grip tightens on your hair and he presses your face even further into him, neverminding your slaps against his thigh because you can’t fucking breathe. Sure enough, not a second later you feel him spill into your throat. Tears are running down your face and yet he’s still not letting you go until you think you’re going to pass out.  
  
He stays inside you until he softens though, making sure you swallow ("Y-yeah, you're hungry for it, aren't you?“) before he finally removes himself from your mouth. You try not to move or make a sound as you concentrate on getting some air back into your lungs.

His hand caresses the back of your head as he puts his cock softly to your lips, spreading what’s still seeping out of him. Silently you pray that he doesn’t change his mind and wants you to keep him in your mouth until he grows tired or gets hard again. Or just because he likes the feeling. The last time he wanted that, your jaw and knees hurt for days.

Your shoulders sink in relief when he instead _lovingly_ cups your cheek, ignoring the trails of tears on your cheek, and finally puts himself back into his pants.

He sinks down in front of you, puts his head on your still heaving chest and stays there, listening to your rapid heartbeat. Like some kind of lover's embrace.

His fingers play with the seam of your skirt and you can‘t hide a shiver.

"Sorry for being so rough,“, he mumbles into your blouse. How a big guy like him is able to sound so sheepish right after having put his dick down your throat without your consent and any care in the world, you don‘t know. "The game riled me up. But it helps being with you. You always calm me down.“  
  
You blink, staring at nothing in particular in front of you.

Don’t think about what he says, you tell yourself. Don’t think. Don’t do this to yourself.

"You know I love you, right?“ You don‘t need to look at him to know that he’s probably smiling like an idiot. His fingers mindlessly trail up your thighs. "I just can’t help myself around you sometimes.“

He puts his head to the side, peeking up at you. Waiting.

His fingers come to a halt. Out of the corner of your eye you see that his face is serious now.

"Say yes.“

There’s nothing playful about his tone anymore.  
  
"Yes,“ you croak out, your voice sounding rough and cracked to your own ears.

"Say that you love me.“

His eyes never leave your face. The fingers on your thighs press a bit harder into your skin.

"Say that you forgive me. That you _wanted_ this.“

What you want. What you desperately want, is to go home. Is for none of this to have happened.

"You want this, right?"

You want to close your eyes and wish yourself away but you also know that he asked you a question and it’s in your best interest to answer it. Preferably with something that he wants to hear from you.

You know what happens when you don’t.

So you ignore the tears that threaten to escape your eyes and the pain in your throat as you swallow. You instantly regret it seeing that you can still taste him. It takes a lot of you to hide your disgust but you think you manage. You have to manage.

Fuck, you can‘t even lick your lips because he made sure to leave a trace of him there as well.

You repeat after him what he wants to hear, not even trying to make the words sound real. Your throat hurts enough as it is and it’s not like it makes a difference to him either way.

He‘d hear what he wants to hear. He’d do what he wants to do.

There’s nothing you can do about it.

There's a tense pause before Goshiki makes a satisfies sound. You risk looking down at him for a second and can’t help but think that he looks weirdly _relieved_. That fucking –

Not for the first time, you wish you were stronger. Not physically, but god, you’d give everything to have the means to keep him away from you by force. No, you wish you knew a way to force the fact into his head that this isn’t what you want. That this isn’t something that he should want.

That he’s not in the right in this.

Or is he?

Is it y _ou_ who‘s in the wrong?

Because your friends seem to think nothing of Goshiki acting like this. They think it’s cute, that you’re arrogant or prudish, that you’re being too harsh on him. Neither do his team mates.

Quite the opposite, you’d overheard Tendou making a crude comment more than once about Goshiki being unable to "keep it in his pants“ when it comes to you, followed by cackles and laughter. You’d seen the way they all ignore or chose to look away when he’s all over you and you’re _clearly_ uncomfortable with it.

First, you didn’t ask anyone for help because you didn‘t think anyone would believe you.

Now you hesitate because you think none of them really care.

Are you in the wrong? Are you really upset over nothing? _Is_ this nothing?

It doesn't feel like that when Goshiki interrupts your thoughts by pulling your face to his and licking over your lips and into your mouth.  
His fingers start moving again, one hand trailing up your thigh right into your panties, the other one putting yours over the bulge in his pants. "Can you feel what you do to me?,“ he asks you, bucking up into your hand.

You're not doing anything, is what you want to tell him. But he doesn't want you to answer. You're not even sure if you could.

Instead you hold your breath when his fingers enter you, two at once. It’s too much, and it’s too soon without any preparation but that won’t change anything. You’re not wet. But you know he’ll say something about you just being too shy and timid and how much he loves that about you as well. How he will make sure you’re ready for him and how good he’ll take care of you.  
  
You close your eyes and try to drown him out.

***

Before Goshiki you hadn’t even known how many storage rooms this fucking school actually has. You’re pretty sure half of them are unnecessary seeing that you two are apparently the only ones ever using them. In a way that probably wasn’t intended.

"Fuck,“ he groans against your mouth. His hand clutches your jaw, forcing you to open your mouth to let him in. The way he moans at forcing his tongue inside you sounds obscene to your ears.

His other hand carelessly rips open your blouse, gropes at your chest, before heading downwards and pulling one of your legs up to his hip. You can feel the hard bulge of his cock against you and can’t help yourself but let out a weak moan. Immediately he latches on your mistake, repeating the movement until the only thing you’re able to do is grip his shirt, close your eyes and swallow down any other noise that threatens to escape you. "You don’t have to hide from me,“ he groans into your ear, and you hate that he thinks this is real, that there is nothing you can do to can make him see this. "I know you want this, too.“

And right now you hate him and hate that you feel something tighten in your stomach, that you’re coming from him grinding against you like a dog in heat.

You _hate this_.

No real sound makes it out of your throat but you sharply inhale and nearly gasp right into his neck while you're falling over the edge, your hips mindlessly bucking into his. You hate how good this feels.

He doesn't give you any time to calm down. 

There’s the distinct sound of a zipper and a rip of clothing, and before your legs even get a chance to stop shaking Goshiki presses inside you.

Your mouth opens in a silent gasp and your head falls back against the wall with a dull noise. It’s like he knocked out whatever coherent thought you still had in your head.

There’s nothing slow or careful about this, not with him being this excited about having made you come without really touching you. He immediately bottoms out, neverminding your wincing and barely hidden cry, and instead wastes no time thrusting into you again and again, groaning something about you being so good to him, being made for this and how lucky he is for being your boyfriend.

It’s too rough and it’s too deep and it's too sudden, but then his hand is on your clit and he has you coming again in no time.

"Fuck, fuck fu–“, His hips stutter with you tightening around him and he groans so loudly that you’d think he’s in pain if you didn’t know it any better. When he comes in you, you can feel it. He grabs your face and puts it against his, not exactly in a kiss but you're breathing him in and it feels like there is nothing else but him. There’s nothing but him, in your face, in your lungs, in _you_.

It’s somehow the worst he’s ever done to you because there is nothing else to concentrate on, no way of you drowning him or this out, there is only you and him, and right now it feels like this is all there ever will be.

Later, when he allows you to get dressed again, he puts you into his training jacket with an absent-minded smile. It's too big for you but nevertheless he zips it up, making sure to keep he hickeys he gave you in sight and takes a step back to admire you.

You don’t need a mirror to know how fucked out you must look, you certainly feel that way. When you look up to him though, you can only see contentment in his heavy lidded eyes.

Shyly he takes your hand in his, a gesture seeming so out of place that you could scream. Half an hour before this he had waited for you in front of school, dragged you away from your friends and caused the both of you to miss class to fuck you in this supply closet without any hesitation, and now he’s playing coy because he’s holding your hand?

"Sorry for the ambush“, he finally says with a faint little smile, and it takes you a second to understand that by that he means raping you just because he felt like it. "I know I should have waited, I know I–“, he stops himself to run his fingers through his hair, his other hand never letting go of yours. He’s actually blushing now. Even his ears are turning red.

"It’s just– I’ve never done this before. All of this, I-I mean properly“, he gestures between you and him. You blink, still not getting what the fuck he means.

His come is literally dripping out of you, and this isn’t the first time this happened so you’re not entirely sure what he’s talking about.

"Oh, I’m doing this all wrong, aren’t I?“, he says, and you hate that a part of you can't help but find his timid smile and his blushing cheeks endearing when you should know better. When you _do_ know better.

When he lets your hand go, you feel like you can breathe again for the first time in a while. He frantically pats his pants down, finding what he’s been looking for in the back pocket. It’s a little bag, one of those you might get at jewellery stores. His hands are slightly shaking when he opens it and fishes out a little necklace. There’s a heart pendant on it.

He holds it up for you to see and your stomach turns. The smile on his face seems so honest and so _wrong_.

"Happy 6th month anniversery,“ he gets out before he looks down again with a shy expression.

When the click of the lock snaps at the back of your neck it sounds awfully loud in your ears. He's carefully touching the pendant resting on your skin, making sure it's visible for everyone to see.

Disgust doesn’t even begin to describe what you feel when you look up at his waiting face and you force yourself to thank him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I feel as if I'm going straight to hell for this... I just woke up one morning and had this in my head so I just wrote it all out in a couple of hours.
> 
> That being said, the usual applies: English isn't my first language so please be kind and feel free to correct me. Comments and feedback are as always appreciated. Thank you for reading! <3


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